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Quotes/Fens of Despair
Session 1 ;The Westmarch has its share of dangers. :GM: Well. It's mostly bugbears and other greenskins. Some kind of large insectoids - giant spiders? - some carnivorous apes, rats and bats, dire and normal wolf packs, and the infrequent horde zombie horde. Those are the most common things, anyway. Within 15 miles of town. :Lenia: "...Why do people live in Polisberg, again?" :Berkun: "If there are such creatures here, why wouldn't they prefer a walled city?" :Connell: "People live everywhere, Lenia. Cheer up." ;Mordreona isn't helping. :Lenia: "An army of orcs is marching around in my head and using my mouth for a latrine. How am I supposed to be cheerful? And why did you let me drink so much?" :Mrugnak: "Len-ee not drink much! Len-ee tiny!" :Connell: "You need to loosen up every so often, Lenia, and sometimes you need help." :Mordreona: "I have some good drink in this pack here, if you want some more." :Lenia: shudders. "No." ;Really, he should have just said 'yes'; that'd make him a really AWESOME tracker. :Berkun: "This is not a dangerous mix... there is no flying creature larger than a bat..." :Mordreona: "Little flying rats, hate them myself." :Lenia: "...Wait. You found bat tracks?" :Berkun: grins. "Not tracks... Just signs of them. Smelly ones" ;Referencing things that didn't even happen in this campaign... :Lenia: Nice work, Connell. :Connell: Wait wait wait something I did had the intended effect?! :Mrugnak: I owe you a cookie or something :D :Connell: AFK getting confetti. :Lenia: Wait, yeah, something's wrong. We need to change the rules again, Jeremy accomplished a goal. ;It's not entirely true! :1) YOUR TURN NOW:: 28 Mordreona :Mordreona: Same as last round. :GM: Mordreona only fights traps. =) ;Some things are better without context.' :'GM': You clench down on monkey fist poo, but its has supernatural armor and takes no pain. ;No, really, she called dibs and everything!' :Connell: turns and fires the lightning bolt into the monkey attacking Lenia, which explodes and dissolves. :Lenia: "That was MY monkey!" :Connell: "I didn't see your name on it!" :GM: Now it's your puddle of ectoplasmic ichor. Session 2 ;Sage advice :Mordreona: In the future I would like to sleep near Mrugnak, it just seems safer. :Lenia: Tip: Sleep upwind. ;There is a trend :Connell: concentrates and calls on the wind spirits. Casts Body of Wind... Critical Failure! :GM: Whoops. :Lenia: See, that's the Jeremy I know and love. ;It's as good an explanation as any :Connell is busy being yelled at in his head by the wind spirits, who cannot believe he fell for boobie hypnotism Session 3 ;The wisdom of adventurers :Lenia: Lenia is maintaining a flight spell on Berkun. I might be drawing on my Power Item to make sure Berkun doesn't crash. :Connell: Oh just let him drop, what's an adventure without falling damage? :Mrugnak: Adventurers, even without flight spells, can always find ways to take falling damage. :Connell: While standing on an open snowfield, no less. :Berkun: one can always dig a pit ;The non-wisdom of adventurers :Lenia: "Yes. It's a surprisingly versatile solution - and we wouldn't be able to cross back on a raft in any kind of a hurry either." :Connell: "Well, what is it? Water walking? We all turn into ducks? We hollow out Mrugnak and use him as a canoe?" :Mrugnak: "NO CANOO" Mrugnak shoves Connell. :Mrugnak: Lightly. :Mrugnak: Well, ish. :Mrugnak: One handed anyways. :Connell: stumbles, waving his arms around, and eventually steadies himself. "Ahem. I think the canoe idea got vetoed, Lenia, you'll have to come up with another." ;Oops :Mrugnak is carrying Lenia through the swamp. :GM: You're making good time through another swampy area when Berkun, Mrugnak, and Connell realize something is wrong. Things are moving through the reeds to either side of you, and there are no birds in the trees in front of you. :Mrugnak: "Dere guys dere." Mrugnak draws all his weapons. :GM: With a thump, Lenia drops to the ground. :Mrugnak: woops. Sorry. ;Mordreona doesn't fight things that aren't traps :Mordreona: "What is going on?" Runs for cover, 7 yards up. :Lenia: "I'm trying to make some breathing room, that's what's going on! Don't you know how to throw knives or acid or something?" :Mordreona: "Mrugnak can handle it!" :Lenia: mutters something in Nymphish about setting the cause of equality back a generation. :Mordreona: "You guys better watch out! The other wolves are coming!" :Berkun: "We take care of them, one in front is mine!" :Lenia: "Gee, if only we had a knife-throwing assassin somewhere above the incoming threat to harass them and make it harder for them to eat us!" :Mordreona: "That'd be great!" ;Presumably :Berkun: "Can any of you speak with a lizardman?" :Lenia: "They should have some grasp of the Trade Tongue. If not, I'll try interpretive dance or something." :Connell: "The dancing is always popular." Session 4 ;He deserves it :GM: Everyone but Connell sleeps poorly. Each person takes 1d-3 Fatigue from poor sleep, not recoverable until you get better sleep at a good camp. :Connell: "A pleasant night in the swamp. How refreshing." :Mordreona: tries not to stab Connell. ;Mordreona is easy to role-play :Mordreona: I just move back and stay hidden. :GM: Kind of you. :GM: See, I played Mordreona perfectly last time. ;Time for a newer new plan :Mrugnak: Ok, so hm. I can't reach any of them other than spider #5 then. :GM: They're all in close combat with Lenia. :Mrugnak: Ok, step and DWA spider #5 and spider#6. :GM: This might be funny. :GM: How are you stepping while being grappled by something bigger than you? :Mrugnak: ... :Mrugnak: that's a good question! :Mrugnak: Sorry, used to everything being smaller :D :Mrugnak: Ok, new plan! Break free! :GM: Go for it. :Mrugnak: failure! :Narrator: Mrugnak confidently steps forward to rescue Lenia, then roars in horror as he realizes the spider is holding him in place. Session 5 ;Surprisingly, it didn't blow up :Connell: One sec, checking a Brilliant Plan :GM: Oh no. :Lenia: Connell's brilliant plans are always awesome. :Lenia: That is, they inspire a sense of awe. This is not always positive. :GM: I like the ones that involve critical failures. Those are the most awesome. ;No one ever wants to take a chance :GM: Oh, hey! This area is mildly polluted, druidic magic wise. -1 on all casting rolls unless you embrace the pollution. :Mrugnak: ... embracing pollution sounds bad. :Connell: Yeah, Doctor Blight doesn't seem huggable. ;Assessing the situation and making plans :Lenia: To summarize: I'm grappled, my staff is unready, the critter has ST 26 vs. my DX of 12 if I want to break free, and Concentrate while grappled is verboten? :GM: Basically. :Lenia: I scream and flail. :D :Mordreona (also grappled): I'm going to scream on my turn. ;How does one respond? :Berkun: which one is grappling Mordreona? :Mordreona: "Someone save my ass." :GM: Spider #5 has her. Spider #2 is menacing Connell. Spider #3 is entangled with Mrugnak. :Mordreona: "I'm not sure you people know how important I am." ;He's a lover, not a fighter :Connell: curls up and whacks in the spider grappling him in the face with his horns. "Hyah!" Failure! :GM: That's a sad commentary on your combat skills, but A for effort. Session 6 ;Some people get excited about weird things :GM: They're wearing lizardman skin armor. Your arrow barely penetrates, but you knicked a nerve and he tumbles. :Lenia: Cannibal lizardmen! Awesome! :Lenia: Like, actual cannibals, not just man-eaters. :Berkun: they are wearing actual armor made from other lizardmen? :GM: Yes. ;I don't know if I'd call him a pervert, but... :Connell (in bird form): clings to Lenia as she travels. He gets a new and interesting view of her cleavage. :Hammer: bird's eye? :GM: Doh! :Lenia: tempted to shove the lecherous chickadee in a pocket. ;The dangers of boasting :Lenia: "Bloodshed between our two groups would get many killed needlessly. In place of silver, I offer a challenge - my champion against yours. If my champion wins, you give us the humans, and we leave your lands peacefully. If your champion wins, then we will pay, and my companions will leave, and I will remain to serve your tribe! Have you the courage to accept?" :Lizardmen: "Wes acccccepts. Yous mays crossssss ssssafelllly. Wes fights heres." :Lenia: "Try and make the fight look good, Hammer, and don't kill him. If you just walk out there and decapitate their leader, it could end badly." :Hammer: "I'll keep it interesting, no promises on the latter...perhaps Mrugnak?" :GM: All prepared? Okay. :Narrator: The lizardmen lead you to the ring. A hulking lizardman in armor leans on a massive club across from the ring. :Lizardmen: "Hes issss yours champions?" :Lenia: "He is." :Hammer: carefully draws. :Lizardmen: "Whats isss hes doings? Ttthhes fights issss assss Sllezzziksss intendeds: unarmeds." :Hammer: "ummmm...." :Hammer: "Club?" :Lizardmen: The lizardman shrugs out his armor and begins stretching, leaving the club on the ground. :Hammer: "Mrugnak?" :Hammer: "Mommy?" Session 8 ;Maybe Lenia should become a Monk and learn some judo or something... :Lenia: Here's a question: These zombies have been lurking in the water. Would you say the guts are pretty waterlogged? Soaked and dripping? :GM: Yes, I'd say that. :Lenia: Suck cantrip, evildoer. :GM: ??? :Lenia: Oh, BALLS. Freeze has a 10-second cast time. It was such a good idea, too. :GM: Aren't you grappled? So casting at -13, all told? :Lenia: Yeah, but I could probably absorb the penalty. So yeah. No hope of breaking free, staff's useless in close combat, casting's nigh impossible. :Lenia: Fallback plan: Scream and flail. :GM: Good plan! ;Critical failures on Stop Bleeding kill the patient :Kevin: So close to having the grasshopper death gnome join the group. :Jeremy: Next time I'll critfail the heal. :Kevin: Just cast Stop Bleeding. :Kevin: It usually does the trick. :Jeremy: I don't know that spell. :Jeremy: For EXACTLY THAT REASON. :Jeremy: "This healing spell has killed 75% of the people I've seen it used on..." I think I'll save myself the CP. ;Did Lenia actually attend any of her classes? :Connell: "Did nobody each you how to make things explode at range at that wizard school of yours? I thought that was a basic lesson." :Lenia: "As I recall, I was busy during that class. I think he was an elf. At least, I think he was a he." :Mrugnak: "Dere he elfs?" :Mrugnak: "No just ugly she elfs?" :Connell: "At least it's not my fault this time." Session 9 ;He's really more labor than management :Mrugnak: I'm not 100% sure what Mrugnak is searching, but neither is he! He'll start trying to prop up fallen stones instead, because he's big. :GM: Architecture roll to figure out how to brace a stele in the swamp. :Mrugnak: AHAHAHAHAH :later... :Hammer: how are we doing with the stones? :Mrugnak: terribly :D :GM: None of you have figured out how to brace them in the swamp. :Connell: It's like watching toddlers play with huge blocks. :Mrugnak: "Mebby Mrugnak just stand dere, hold dat? Hmm. Den Mrugnak gotta hold dat too. An dat. Dere not nuff Mrugnak." :Connell: "I'm pretty sure that'll interfere with the ley lines. Minotaurs aren't magically conductive." ;It's sad, really :Connell: Connell is aware of all things! He transcends time and space! He probably wastes this opportunity to use clairsentience to see Mordreona naked! Session 10 ;Apparently he was lied to. :GM: Connell awakens with 4 FP. :Connell: blinks, looking up at Lenia. "Funny, I was promised heaven would be full of virgins." ;What kind of school did Connell and Lenia go to, anyway? :Lenia: "If you'd paid attention during Evocations 403 instead of faffing with Nature Spirits, you might be having more luck." :Connell: "If I'd stuck with the nature spirits, I wouldn't be in this mess right now. I'd probably be having lots more fun." Sighs wistfully "Lots." :Connell: "Back home." Shakes out his hand, wincing. "Twins, even." ;This is like a miniature Brilliant Plan :Connell: It's what, a HT roll to stay conscious? :GM: Will. :Connell: Pfft, I'll just stay up. Will: Critical Failure! :Connell: Or not. ;Know your limitations :GM: Berkun and Mrugnak are fine not talking about magic, because one hates it and the other thinks the sun rising is a miracle. ;Or abuse them :GM: Mordreona contributes stuff that Lenia thinks about for about 2 seconds before ignoring. :Mordreona: I make sure and say it more than one time. ;Or have the GM make fun of them :Hammer is useless without a foreman. Union thing. :Berkun: Berkun helps Hammer to dig :GM: Okay, Berkun supervises/assists Hammer, which is good because while Hammer may be a Master of Murder, he barely knows which side of a shovel to hold. Session 11 ;You can't please some people :Narrator: great deal of purple prose that ends with nothing obviously bad happening to the delvers :Lenia: "That was... anticlimactic." :Mrugnak: "Funny looking." ;Mrugnak isn't sure he knew they had "that kind" of relationship either. :Connell: "What gold?" :Mrugnak: "Der guys in der bar say dese guys dat wot was here had gold n stuff. But den dey bad druids an dese wolfs come and make dem go way an den der gold got lost." :Mordreona: "I recall that too Mrugnak." :Lenia: "That's the sanctified regalia, Mrugnak. That stays with the druids." :Mordreona: "Why do they get to keep the gold?" :Connell: "Because it's holy. Holy gold stays with the holy people." :Mordreona: "I'm not sure I buy that. That is to say if that's true when we have it it is not holy any more." :Connell: "Chances are if you steal holy gold, you end up cursed. Suppurating boils, hair in uncomfortable places, sudden teeth. Druids can be very creative." :Mrugnak: "Mrugnak gots hair everywhere." :Mordreona: "Now that's a good point." :Berkun: "What if he'd lose all the hair, then?" :Mordreona: "Then when I lick him it would taste better for sure." :Connell: "I... did not know you and Mrugnak had that kind of relationship." :Mrugnak: blinks, looks totally confused. ;Language difficulties :Lenia: "Hey, Berkun. Just how far can you reach out and touch things at?" :Berkun: "Reach out?" :Lenia: "How far does your bow shoot?" :Berkun: "As long as my ha... oh!" ;You can please yourself, sometimes :GM: So what horrible thing happens to Berkun when magically induced demonic fear from the domain of magical fear invades his very body? ;This basically happens at the end of Stephen King's Dark Tower/Gunslinger series :Connell: I prefer arthritis, means I picture our deadly crack shot archer lugging around one of those big bottles of Tylenol with the easy-off lid for seniors. ;Oops :Lenia: Casts Concussion: Failure! :Lenia: Or not! :GM: Hey, look, critical failure. :GM: That Taint's a bummer. :Lenia: I saw that coming. :Hammer: This taint still stinks :Lenia: Lenia absorbed a lot of it. :GM: Spell has the reverse of the intended, on the wrong target. Roll randomly. :Lenia: O.o :Berkun: fun! :Mrugnak: Well, the spell was supposed to conjure a harming missile in Lenia's hand. :GM: Instead, it summons a huge thunderclap on Connell. :GM: Did Connell just summon a lightning bolt? :Connell: slap Lenia! Stop stealing my schtick! I doom the party. ME. ;It wasn't exactly Clausewitz is all I'm saying. :Narrator: Connell walks into the thicket, poking his stick. Suddenly, a dark sharp with flashing white claws and teeth pounces on him. :Connell: Hurray I'm dead! :Mark: Not quite the reaction I expected... :Connell: I figured since nobody was going to pull I should just go aggro it. :Mark: So now we're getting tactics from the bottom of the WoW barrel? Good plan. Session 12 ;Something to look forward to. :Mordreona: "I'm so going to train and get an X-bow when we hit town next. I think I'll enjoy shooting into combat." :Berkun: vitals shot the panther eating Connell Failure! :GM: It's still a hit, just not vitals. :Panther: Dodge with Extra Effort! Success! :GM: Does he hit Connell? Success! :Connell: Dodge! Failure! :Narrator: Berkun looses an arrow into the beast's heart, but it pulls up on Connell's torso, and the arrow penetrates him instead. :Connell: "OW! What the... you SHOT me?!" :Berkun: "I thought you were holding it!" :Mordreona: "See I'm sure I can do that too if I get an x-bow." ;A failure to communicate :Lenia: "Remind me why we let him cross the river into a probable ambush, again?" :Hammer: "Love?" :Berkun: "I thought he just gone to take a piss there...?" ;Good question :Hammer: Can I jump stealthily? :Kevin: Are you stealthed now? O.o :Hammer: no :Kevin: Then why would flinging yourself through the air make you LESS obvious? ;Heroism :Berkun: okay, fast draw a cutting arrow, fast load bow, jump over the creek. okay, now shoot the panther in the leg :Mrugnak: *sniffle* :Mrugnak: I'm so proud. When you started playing, you didn't believe you could draw and fire in the same round. :Mrugnak: Now we've got you leaping rivers and shooting things IN MID AIR. ;Action? Sure. Wise Action? Not so much :Narrator: Hammer launches himself heroically into the air, easily clearing the mosquito infested stream. He smashes into Mordreona from behind, clobbering her. :Mrugnak is also in the process of jumping the creek :Mrugnak: ... :Mrugnak: Berkun. :Mrugnak: You're in my landing zone. :Berkun: Duh... try to jump over me! :Mrugnak: I can't jump FURTHER once I'm in the air Berkun. :Berkun: Or jump next to me, it's not like you've got momentum after falling down! :Mark: Double jump! ;Perhaps Berkun should consider another career in a library? :Berkun: does Berkun hear the thunderclap? :Lenia: Everything hears the thunderclap. :GM: But only the panther is effected. :Berkun: uh... so no need to roll for fear of loud noises? :GM: Oh, no, people who are afraid of loud noises did just hear a loud noise. Could be the start of some kind of creepy evil magic eagle screaming. ;Pay attention to your own position! :Hammer: Heroic Charge :GM: On your back? :Berkun: wait, you're prone! :GM: At the panther in the tree? :Hammer: Ha, no :Berkun: that's not particularly heroic... ;I don't believe the delvers are surgeons. :Narrator: Lenia chants and whispers. Connell's wounds heal, then suddenly turn black. :Connell: "That's much - ow! What are you doing?" :Lenia: looks at her hands in horror, then stares at Connell. "I'm not entirely sure." :Lenia: "I could try again, but... I'm not sure it's a good idea." :Mrugnak: sniffs at the black. "Dat bad. We got cut dat off." :Mordreona: "I agree Mrugnak, that is the best plan of action." :Connell: waves Mrugnak away, "It'll be fine. Probably. It's just this swamp, it messes with healing magic." :Lenia: looks substantially more cheerful. "Yeah! The swamp! That's it!" :Mordreona: "Don't worry connell, this will not hurt me a bit." :Connell: looks at Lenia, "You're going to stop her, right? ... Someone?" :Mrugnak: catches Mordreona's sword hand. "Not dat. You gots make it hot inna fire first." :Mordreona: " You are so wise my hairy friend, thats even better." :Mrugnak: "Like, hot so it go red, cuz dat like good meat, yas?" :Lenia: "Nobody is cutting anything off of Connell." :Lenia: mutters, "Unless gelding him would calm him down a little." ;Hammer does not have useful out of combat skills :Berkun: "Huh, something just touched my leg..." :Mordreona: "well it wasn't me Berkun." :Narrator: Suddenly, Hammer steps across a tripwire. :Hammer: "Found it" ;He has a point. :Connell: Lenia took how much damage? :Lenia: Enough to make her yelp in pain. So, very possibly a stubbed toe equivalent. :Lenia: She's fragile. :Kevin: Heh: Funny thought - Lenia doesn't have Low Pain Threshold, she's just melodramatic. :Hammer: Hypochondriac ;Connell should have taken another day off :Bandit Archer: Shoot Lenia in the heart. Failure! :Bandit Archer: Hit Connell by luck? Success! :Connell: Dodge and drop. Critical Failure! :Connell: Sigh. :Connell parries! With his SHOULDER! ... wait, that - oh '''crap'.'' :GM: Well, you fall down. Sadly, with a meteoric bodkin arrow in you. ;Not sure about his point this time :Lenia: Hey, that could have been worse! :GM: How, exactly? :Mrugnak: Could be dead? :Mrugnak: Could be on fire! :Mordreona: could be dead and on fire. :Lenia: It could have hit me in the vitals for 18 damage. :P :GM: Ah. ;True, true :Hammer: whatever the bless costs, it was worth it :Berkun: when does bless stop working? :Mrugnak: When it saves my life. :Hammer: would only last 5 minutes for me :Hammer: I need to buy off all my disads. They force me to commit suicide too regularly ;Connell's plans continue to amaze. :Lenia: Or Connell will come up with a brilliant plan. >.> :GM: Step 1: regain consciousness. :Connell: Brilliant Plan! Session 13 ;The Taint makes Lenia's life difficult, yet predictable. :Berkun: hmm, how far off the target did those phials go? :Lenia: Into me! I'd bet. :GM: Right onto Lenia. :Hammer: You win! ;Harsh realm :Bandit Blade: Steps to the side, putting a tree between him and Mrugnak, and puts his blade to Hammer's head. "If you like your foolhardy friend, you should surrender!" :Mordreona: Laughs "Wait if he kills him first we each get more of treasure." :GM: Feel the love. ;Negotiations like these did so much to avert the start of WWI :Mrugnak: stays put but counter negotiates! "You hurt he, Mrugnak smash you very flat!" ;And things weren't even going well... :Lenia: "The way things are going, you're not going to win this fight, bandit. I'm offering you a chance to lick your wounds and start over elsewhere - which is more than you'd get from my minotaur friend. Take your survivors, take your belongings, and leave me and mine to ours." :Narrator: Another 5 bandits approach from their camp. 1 is a huge, half-orc looking fellow carrying a massive flail and shield. He is accompanied by someone wearing shining silver full plate harness, an old cruel looking fellow in a bloody robe, and a couple more bandit goons. You think the fellow in the bloody robe is a wizard, since he's holding a huge ball of fire in one hand. :Lenia: Crap. :Mordreona: I run for cover. :Benton: "I am not sure I like the terms of your offer, Nymph." Session 14 ;It's like they're lawbreakers or something. :Bandits: The bandits start going through the bodies and the wounded, tossing their gear in a pile. take Hammer's stuff into a different pile. :Lenia: looks like she's about to object - Hammer's gear is probably worth several times what the bandits were wearing - and then just gives a defeated sigh. "Bloody criminals." ;This explains so much about the group's planning :Mordreona: This was a great plan! :Berkun: Any plan that ends with combat is at least decent. ;Even so, I'm not sure this is a decent plan :Hammer: don't forget about Hammer being armless with a sword at his throat. let's not forget that :Berkun: well, that's why we're going to distract the bandits by attacking them ;This is a Brilliant Plan! :Berkun: I hope Lenia has magic, any magic :Hammer: lenia has no FP's :Berkun: well, she has HP's :Lenia: Yeah, but I roll Will at double shock penalty to burn them. :Lenia: Lenia doesn't cast from HP. It hurts. And then doesn't work. :Hammer: use taint :Lenia: Yes, because the only thing better than being surrounded by angry bandits bent on killing you is being surrounded by angry bandits bent on killing you and a corrupted Nymph demigoddess egging them on. ;Not something you see every day :Benton: "Toady! The Minotaur! Vengeance! Deal with the archer!" :Narrator: The massive 2-handed flail rips itself away from Toady and flies towards Berkun. :Mrugnak: wot? :Mordreona: looks at Benton. "Wait, can I join you guys?" ;I think he understood what Berkun meant :Bandit Knight: "Surrender, barbarian!" Take a wait action on Berkun's response. :Berkun: "Honour and hate, bastard!" :Bandits: Cuts Berkun's other arm ;Heroic archers have many ways to be heroic. :Hammer: can berkun like, kill that bandit #3 person? :Berkun: can't even see them! :Lenia: Berkun's got a crippled arm. He can't draw a bow. :Hammer: stop whining i have no limbs :Hammer: draw with your teeth :GM: Sure, if Berkun wants to go all Dark Night Green Arrow, he can draw with his teeth. ;The sweet taste of victory :Lenia: We... won? I guess? Kind of? :GM: Let me introduce you to a guy named Pyrrhus. Session 15 ;Assessing the situation :Mordreona: "You OK, big guy? :Mrugnak: "... four... um... five... Mrugnak got all dem fingers on dis hand!" Mrugnak waves his right hand at Mordreona, proudly. :Mrugnak continues his inventory on the other hand. "... five!" :Mrugnak continues his inventory, making sure he's got two feet (being inside boots, he's taking the toe situation on faith). :Mordreona: Mrugnak does have an arrow in his eye, yes? :Mrugnak: Yep. ;Fear is the beginning of wisdom :GM: (whispering to Mrugnak) About 400 yards away beyond the bandit camp, you hear the whistle of Ash Wand slicing into something. Then there is a brief, agonized shriek and disturbing chomping sounds. :Mrugnak perks his ears. "Lady ran away wit der sword, got et!" :Connell: "What? Mrugnak, use your words." :Mrugnak: "Bad lady." He brightens up. "So dat ok!" Mrugnak speaks very slowly, for Connell's benefit. "Dis lady, she took dat sword dat Hammer got. Den she run away. An' now she over dere, got et by sometin' dat don' fear dat sword." Mrugnak has his arms full of Lenia, so is not inclined to immediately stroll over and find out what isn't afraid of Ash Wand. :Connell: "Time for us to leave, then, before we find out it's not afraid of minotaurs and crippled archers too." ;This seems unfair :Lenia: "What's been going on while I was snoozing?" :Connell: "I've been doing all the hard work as usual. We're getting out of here." ;New bad plan :Mrugnak: "Dat armor junk. Mrugnak smashed dat." :Lenia: "It's Mithril, you big lout, and glowing with magic so brightly it almost hurts my eyes." :Berkun: "Yeah, good... I'm not going to... Mithril!?" :GM: Mrugnak? Bad Temper. :Mrugnak: Critical Failure! :Mrugnak: ... :GM: Ooops. :Lenia: ... :Berkun: aaaaaa! :Mordreona: FOFL ;Getting into character :GM: Start yelling at her, please. :Mrugnak: Yelling commencing! :GM: You don't take that guff from little women. :Mrugnak: Hells no! ;Roleplaying :Mrugnak: "Mrugnak smash dat! Dat smashed! It junk! Why you gotta say bad ting alla time? Mrugnak got dis ting in head dis fite! Mrugnak got sore eye real bad!" :Berkun: "Mithril is worth lots, Mrugnak! You should have waited for Lenia to look at that..." :Mrugnak gesticulates wildly and switches to his native language to continue haranguing, trade tongue just not cutting it. "Ogar urob durn buk morzuf narol! Duglob shul dug o glar zush shamúrz mob!" :Mordreona: "What the hell is going on down there?" :Berkun: "They had Mithril!" :Mrugnak: rounds on Mordreona. "Anna noder ting, you carry you stuff! Mrugnak tired! Mrugnak sick carry you stuff!" :Lenia: whirls on Mrugnak, shouting back just as loud. "Mrugnak also nearly put a morningstar through my bloody chest, and I let it slide because I imagine you probably saved all our bloody lives! The armor's worth a fortune, now GET. IT. We're in a HURRY." :Lenia: Well, not just as loud. Mrugnak's got bigger lungs. :Mrugnak: turns back to Lenia, looms at her, and yells right in her face. "NO, Mrugnak NOT do! Dis gramog bad day, Mrugnak not do nuffin for you urzug!" ** :Lenia: stops, visibly calming herself. "You're right, Connell. You're right too, Berkun. Mrugnak, I'm sorry I called you names. You didn't deserve it. You definitely saved all our lives, and we owe you a lot. Now please, we need to get the valuable stuff and get out of here. I can probably even fix your eye in a few minutes." ;A sensible plan :Mordreona: "Can we please haul all this loot to town then kill each other." :Mordreona: "Or almost to town then kill some off so I get a bigger cut." :Berkun: looks severely at Mordreona. "Don't dare to even jest... If we can't trust each other, we're no better than that other band..." :Mordreona: "I didn't kill anyone while you all were all busted up. You can trust me, we are so far from town." ;Vagaries of the die roll :GM: Both of and Mordreona roll Stealth at -5, Perception at -9. :Mordreona: Stealth: Critical Success! :Mordreona: Perception: Critical Failure! :Mordreona: NICE :Mrugnak: that's amusing :D :GM: That's beautiful. :Lenia: Mordreona is NINJA! And she has shoes. ;Something of a running theme :GM: Suddenly, a piercing eagle shriek cuts through the air on the west side of camp. :GM: Berkun, you are stunned for 1 second :GM: Also, a Panther drops out of the tree above you and attacks. ;First things first :Berkun: how much damage strangling does? :GM: You take 6 cutting damage before DR, so another 8 points of damage. :GM: You're also being suffocated, which only is a problem if it doesn't tear out your neck first. Session 16 ;More wisdom :Mrugnak: continues sniffing, as if he's trying to pin something down, and shifts his weight nervously. :Lenia: "Mrugnak, is something wrong?" :Mrugnak: "Mrugnak smell big... thing..." he gestures vaguely, indicating something cylindrical with a flat top. "Rilly big." :Connell: "Treestumps?" :Lenia: "...Please let it not be crushrooms." :Mrugnak: "Dat it! Mrugnak say Khadbor, you say CRUSHroom." :Lenia: begins cursing in Nymphish. ;Druids love nature :Mordreona: " I take it that this is bad." :Connell: "Ah, sestiplante. Part of the great cycle of nature." :Mrugnak: "Dey don' sit unner dead tree an eat dead ting. Dey go smash ting dead an eat it." :Mrugnak: "Lil' one's okay. Big one..." :Mordreona: "Could we just feed them Hammer?" :Lenia: "Connell, the last time I ran into one of those it nearly bit our thief in half then tried to eat an ogre." :Connell: "Yes, they're quite... refreshing. Most plants don't have such a take-charge attitude!" :Lenia: rolls her eyes. ;Mordreona refines her Brilliant Plan :Mordreona: "But the Hammer plan, that should work?" :Connell: Blinks. "Welll... I'd send them off it came to that. And we shouldn't kill Hammer! He was a boon... well, a companion, anyway. He usually laughed at my jokes, at least sometimes." :Mordreona: "I'm not saying we kill anyone. We just run and do not take him with us." ;She figured it out all by herself :GM: Lenia hears a pair of desert wrens twill in the night. :Lenia: ...I just critsucceeded a default Naturalist roll, didn't I. ;Pointing out the obvious :Lenia: "I just heard a pair of desert wrens. I don't think they belong in the swamp." :Connell: "No... who were you obsessing over in Basic Ornithology? That really tall gnome, right?" Frowns. "Desert wrens live in the desert, dear, hence the name." ;That must not have been the counter sign :Lenia: "Can you maybe try to fake a desert wren call, see if we can confuse them?" :Connell: "What? Alright." He clears his throat and then tries a wren twill. :GM: You hear a squeaky voice say something like "Chi-zit!" A bunch of arrows suddenly arc into the mystic mist from the southwest, randomly thudding into the ground but none of them near you. :Mordreona: "CRAP!" :Connell: "It's easy when you're sort of an animal yourself and - oh goddamn bandits." ;The difficulties of the Taint. :Lenia: Missile Shield: Minimal success! :Lenia: I will Luck that. :GM: Do you think? :Lenia: Since I would rather not acquire 'Missile Attraction' for the next minute or something. :GM: Heh. ;He's got a Doctorate in Destruction, not lying :Hammer: "But Lenia!" He looks crafty for a second. "You do understand that sword is magic? You could study it, learn powerful new spells. There are runes on the blade!" :Lenia: "Hammer. You would have an easier time lying to me if you didn't narrow your eyes and look to the left every time you did it." :Hammer: "I don't do that." he says, narrowing his eyes and looking to the left to avoid Lenia's gaze. ;Nostalgia :Hammer: "You don't know the Baron of Blender? The Scion of Sanguine? The Duke of Destruction?? Where did you go to school?" :Lenia: "Wizards' College. With a lot of very pretty elves. And a smartmouthed faun." :Connell: sighs happily and smiles, "Ah, better days." ;No fair, she's reading the adventure notes! :GM: Things are looking up, for a while. You spend most of the day, walking through the swamp, twisting and turning and jumping over rivlets and small streams. The Fens have calmed down a great deal, and you aren't attacked by any random animals. :Mrugnak: Rawr. :Mrugnak: And then the Ice Weasels Come. ;Really, they just want to go home! :GM: You find yourself walking south along a broad river, feeling happy. In some ways, this terrain looks familiar to you. :Lenia: "..." :GM: Then you push through some bushes and see the low huts of the lizardman village. Several dozen surprised reptile men stare at you. :Lenia: curses under her breath in Nymphish. :Connell: bursts into song, just for the heck of it. It's one of those drinking songs. It kind of peters out when he sees the reptile men. "... but the hedgehog can't be -- uh, why hello gentlemen." :Mordreona: waves and smiles sweetly. :Mrugnak: also waves! :Berkun: Berkun tries to look unassuming... while mentally preparing to get his bow and shoot... :Lizardmen: Silibant cries of alarm, etc etc etc. :Lenia: "Back away. Slowly." ;Mrugnak wins the argument :Connell: (whispers to Berkun) "Why did you take us this way?" :Berkun: "It was the fastest way, but I did not know we'll walk into... I must had miscalculated...!" :Berkun: "Tell them we are just passing through! They're animals, you can talk to animals..." :Connell: "They're mostly people, it doesn't work." :Serlz the lizardman chief: "We isss peoples. Yous ares jusssst hairlllessss apesss." :Mrugnak: "Hey. Mrugnak got hairs." ;Not helping :Berkun: "What would we gain from killing one unsuspecting lizard?" :Mordreona: "They do make nice boots, and.." :Lenia: "Mordreona. Shut up or I swear I will shut you up." ;They're all lunatics :Mrugnak: spares a hand to muffle Mordreona. If this requires dragging Hammer around by the head, then so be it. :Hammer: Hammer can probably wiggle out of Mrugnak's one-handed grip, given time. He starts to do so. :Mordreona: Poor Mrugnak, only two hands. :Mrugnak: This turn of events does cause Mrugnak a moment of total panic. ;Even the sane ones :Therzerze the lizardman shaman: "Yous cames, ands thes magics wents! Yous ssstolessss its beffforessss thes Nightssss offfs thes Eyes! Tooks ours ssssacrifissse toos!" :Connell: "... you were responsible for what happened to the druid circle?" :Lenia: Uhoh. :Therzerze: "Whats? Whats druids sssircles?" :Connell: "Do you know anything about the magic you were using? Where it came from?" Connell pushes forward, standing beside Lenia. He looks angry now, scowling. :Lenia: levels her staff at Therzerze again. "Honored Leader, your foul shaman corrupts the very air we breathe with his words and deeds. He has led you on a dark path and brought you dishonor. Allow me to prove the truth of my words on his corrupted corpse. I challenge him, magic to magic!" ;Why did we choose this Brilliant Plan? :Connell: So, squishiest party members up against powerful lizardmen. :GM: Hey, they like the odds. :Connell: I should've known better than to get involved in Lenia's suicide attempt. Session 17 ;Not exactly the St. Crispin's Day speech :Mordreona: "I'm not sure I like this, I don't like it at all." :Lenia: "We'll be fine, Mordreona." :Mordreona: "I'm sure 'We' will. It's me I'm worried about." :Connell: "Worst that will happen is you get gored by a lizard and crippled for life, like Hammer." blinks, "Wait. That was a little more truthful than I wanted." ;Tactical planning :Lenia: "Berkun - aim for the legs and arms. We don't want to kill them. Mrugnak - Do Not Hit Them In The Head. Mordreona, stay back and wait for a good opportunity - I'll see if I can create some cover for you. Connell, I'll need you to avoid a windstorm for the first few seconds, but be ready based on how things go. Mrugnak - DO. NOT. HIT. THEM. IN. THE. HEAD." :Mrugnak: "Mrugnak not hit head. OK. Um. They short, what Mrugnak hit?" ;Specify your questions! :Berkun: question:who doesn't have a shield? Therzerze? :Mrugnak: Me! :Mordreona: waves :Berkun: I mean, out of our enemies of course:) :GM: The halberdiers in the 2nd rank, and Therzerze. ;Barbarian tactics :Mrugnak: Mrugnak uses his fabulous tactical knowledge and runs straight down the center! You charge, right? :D ;What the hell? Or, 'do not look at halberd with remaining eye'. :Mrugnak critically succeeds on a defense against a halberd thrust. The Lizardman rolls twice on the critical hit table, getting "impales himself in the limb with his own weapon" twice. :Lenia: ...That's hilarious. :GM: ??? How do you stab yourself with a 10' spear? :Mrugnak: his grip slipped? :GM: Okay, well, there's a lot of chaos magic going around. :Lenia: *thrust* *miss* *turn it towards self* *shake shake* "Is this thing working?" *jab self* "OW!" ;Mrugnak is armored and hard to hurt :GM: So Mrugnak takes 1 point of crushing damage? :Mrugnak: Yep! :GM: Oops, damage should be 2d6+6... so he takes 1 crushing and 2 cutting (past DR!) for a total of 4. :Mrugnak: gasp! :GM: Another... 15 rounds and you're done for, boyo! ;It's worrisome that she isn't sure. :Narrator: Suddenly, a cloud of eldritch haze appears on the battlefield. The grass in it begins to unravel. :Lenia: "That's not my doing! I don't think." ;It's "Us" against "Them" and "Them too" and "Those other guys" and ... :Lenia: And since the other side is *cheating like crazy*, I'm going to do the same. :P :GM: The other side isn't cheating like crazy. It's just the other players that are cheating. I mean, the other other players. :Lenia: They are from Lenia's perspective. Lizards, Badger, Goblins... ;A reasonable attitude. :Animals: Badger steps back in the water, totally abusing his amphibious nature. :Lenia: Badgers are amphibious? O.o :GM: Well, whatever you want to call the fact that they can swim, etc. :Lenia: I mean, it's a dire badger that spits clouds of pure entropy. It can be amphibious if it wants. ;Delving involves unique challenges. :Mrugnak: NORMAL badgers undermine potting sheds and live in your compost heap. supernatural demon badgers live in your pool and remove sections of your house from this reality. :GM: It's almost if there's something corrupt and wrong about the animals in the Fens of Despair. ;Then there's "That other other sides" :GM: Giant Eagle added to the fight. :Lenia: Okay, seriously. NOT. INVITED. ;Mrugnak is a great big heap of armor and hit points :GM: So he puts a big bruise on your leg? :Mrugnak: Could be! :GM: I have DR11, 6 of which is flexible. :Mrugnak: Yar! :GM: Down to... 7 more turns of that before unconsciousness! They're going to peck you to death! Session 18 ;It's probably better than a DVD set. Probably. :Connell: They're GIVING us the shaman? What are we going to do with a shaman? :Lenia: Skin him. :Mrugnak: Wear him as a jaunty hat! :Lenia: That's what they expect. :Mordreona: Make boots I think. :Connell: Because we need evil boots. ;The GM was probably not the target of that comment :Lenia: By the way, I acquired at least two more points of taint that fight. I've lost count entirely. Just, you know, in case you're worried. :GM: I'm not worried! ;Decisions :Lenia: Should I make a roll to heal Connell? :GM: Only if you like him. ;Courtesies and Categories :GM: Well. Berkun quickly boils and skins Therzerze's corpse. :Connell: stares at Berkun. "Could you have waited until AFTER you skin a humanoid to wake me up?" ** :Berkun:: "It's not humanoid that much... It walks like a human but it's a lizard..." Looks at the corpse. "If standing on two legs is enough to be humanoid then bears are humanoid when they get angry..." Session 19 ;I understand this is how Sherlock Holmes got started :Lenia: "Connell, do you think the lost druid has fallen to corruption? I hate to think we'd be leaving him behind." :Connell: "Given we were attacked by lots of insane animals and then clouds of evil gas - yes, yes I think there's something wrong with that druid." ;Delvers have different challenges than most people. :GM: Okay. So. Sleeping. No one is putting up protective spells, just because some people are afraid of killing everyone with ill-timed magical misfortune or turning into champions of corruption. ;Not helping! :Lenia: Gnolls: as civilized as one could expect from anything with Social Stigma (Monster)? :Mrugnak: Ah, yes, important: are they as sadistic and rotten as D&D gnolls? :GM: Right, yes, and yes. :Lenia: So negotiating to hire them as guards for our trip back to Polisberg is pretty likely to just end with us having our throats slit and dumped in a ditch. Check. :GM: It's a perfect way to find out what "unreliable" guards are like! ;The odds of continuously occurring are unlikely :Mordreona has critically failed the Perception test to notice the python sneaking up on her, and is now being strangled. :GM: Mordreona can resist with the better of ST or HT, Wrestling bonuses apply and don't you wish you wore spiked armor? :Lenia: Heh. :Mordreona: HT : Critical Success! :GM: The heck is with your die roller, Ms. Ninja-I-Have-Shoes? :Mordreona: I only roll crits, It's just how I roll. Proceeds to critically succeed on her next die roll. ;There's many reasons why Mrugnak isn't the scout :Mordreona: "What is it Mrugnak?" :Mrugnak: "Der punikken! Dey bite an dey eat der blud an arg..." :Mordreona: "Thanks for clearing that up." ;Old habits reassert themselves. :Narrator: The plains are spotted by small clumps of trees. :Lenia: Perceptive trees. :Lenia: Sorry, messing with the Narrator is traditional and I haven't been doing it recently. Session 20 ;Lenia discovers the downside of the dark side :Nomads: Loose their arrows. Half are aimed at Berkun. Half are aimed at Lenia. The ones aimed at Berkun swerve toward Lenia and unerringly hit her (she may defend normally). The ones aimed at her... (rolls the dice a bunch) 9 of them hit! :Lenia: Woohoo, critical failures on missile shield! :Lenia: (Dodges) 7 hit. :Mordreona: that looks bad :Mrugnak: We loved you :( :'''Connell: This may solve the problem of writing Lenia out. :Mrugnak: Going out in a hail of "pincussion" is pretty definitive. ;I understand this is how the Romans felt about the Scythians :Mrugnak: totally doesn't notice what's going on anywhere else, just that the blasted horseman is getting away by being unfairly fast. ;Sadly true. :Mrugnak: "Rawr! Owch! SMASH!" :Mrugnak: Mrugnak's writers go on strike when he berserks. ;So very true :Mrugnak: I'm not really worried about THESE death checks. It's if someone actually calms me down before healing me. THEN I'm worried. :Lenia: It's the one you make at -5x HP that hurts. The one you don't get to use dice on. :Mrugnak: That too. ;Sooner or later, all berserkers become blind. Or dead. :Sorbuz: "Morte! Morte tu vache!" Stab Mrugnak in the eye :Mrugnak: dangit. I liked that eye. :Mordreona: you are going to lose an eye one day like that. :Lenia: He just lost that one. ;Or in some cases, both :Mrugnak: Mrugnak snaps out briefly, and then topples to the ground. :Connell: "... dammit he got bored." Session 21 ;The delvers find life with Lenia a little difficult :GM: ... actually, Mordreona has the best reaction modifiers right now, so... :Ayake: Lord help us all. :Mordreona: I upped my fast talk a little too :GM: Hey, she has positive reaction modifiers. That's more than, well, almost anyone else can say. :Connell: is happy to let Mordreona handle payroll and tossing around of servants. This is because he is, at the core, a flaming idiot. ;It's not much of a defense, Connell :GM: So. :GM: Light sources? :Mrugnak: Mrugnak has a helmet lantern and oil. Conveniently, it's hands free and means that whoever he's facing is lit up. :Mordreona: stays close to Mrugnak in the dark. ** :Mrugnak: ... :Mrugnak: Don't tell me that MRUGNAK is the only person who remembered he can't see in the dark? :Connell: ... possibly. :Berkun: Right, Lenia's gone... and Connell doesn't have magical light? :Mordreona: We have a few torches on the pack mule. but no I have no light source on me. :Mrugnak: *facepalm* This is why I bring one of everything. :Connell: In my defense: flaming idiot. :Connell: turns into a wooden idol of a tiger, carved with a ferocious face and covered in old, flaking paint. :Ayake: "Hm. Confucius spoke of paper tigers. Said nothing of wooden ones." :Connell: So much for being useful. :GM: ... well, you didn't *die*. That was useful. ;Mrugnak thought the ghost lion could be charged :Mrugnak: "Waaaaugh!" :Narrator: With a grunt, Mrugnak charges the lion, head low to gore it. However, his horns and his body pass through the lion with little visible effect. :Mrugnak: "-aaaughruhuh?" ;Mrugnak thought that burning the ghost lion would make it smaller :Mrugnak: Mrugnak decides he can fix the whole "Light" problem. He turns to face the spectral cat, and draws an alchemical grenade from his potion harness! "Mrugnak burn you tiny!" :Ayake: "Wait, what?" ;She didn't say it was a good plan. :Leann: Keep approaching. "Miss Mordreona, what is... happening?" :Mordreona: "Just stay back, Mrugnak has it under control." :Kaitlen: "He just set himself on fire. Briefly. I think." :Mordreona: "It happens all the time, It's all part of the plan." ;The plans are nearly as bad as the way they make them :GM: Mrugnak would know that following the river will lead you straight pass the lizardman village. Whether he considers that a downside, I don't know. :Mrugnak: "Hey. We say hi wit der lizard guys?" :Berkun: the lizardmen don't have infinite patience. let's avoid them if possible :Ayake: "Lizardmen? I have never met one of their kind. I would best prefer to keep it that way." :Mrugnak: "Dey OK. Mrugnak fite alla dem." :Connell: "Plus I think they might be mad we made boots out of their shaman." :Berkun: "Actually, they gave us the shaman." :Mordreona: "Danm, I forgot to have boots made from the hide of the ones we met last." :Connell: "Only after we beat up half their village." Session 22 ;Says it all, really :Kevin: Yeah, okay. An amulet with Daylight-Strength Continual Light has a cost of $8000 for enchantments. Cramming it in as Signature Gear would cost me 14 more points. Glow Vials it is! :Mark: One of the 500 little ways this delving band's life got more difficult since Lenia left. ;For some reason, people don't like Mrugnak's plans. :Connell: "Well... first, we have to assume everything here is under his control. The trees, the animals, the rocks and water and winds and - pretty much anything not actually on fire. And," he looks up at the floating cottage, "honestly I wasn't expecting that. It's kind of ostentatious, really. I mean, flying buildings? That's wizard stuff, like Lenia would do." :GM: You don't see any swamp rats. Just their homes. :Mrugnak: thinks really hard. "Set dem trees on fire, den dey're not bad?" :Connell: "No." ;These things are hard to figure out... not that Connell cared :Connell: Does enemy druid seem crazy-person ranting, or genuine misunderstanding ranting? I attempt to figure this out while setting fire to his hands. :GM: This close, he reeks of the taint. He's wearing a gold torc of a Master Druid - even those his robes are of an initiate of the second circle! - but the gold is *tarnished* and *rusty*. His pupils are red. You're not sure if this is a genuine misunderstanding or not, though. ;Kevin displays his previously unknown caring side :GM: Entropic clouds wander (math ensues) :Kevin: Swing your partner round and round, do-si-do, then hit the ground! :Kevin: I loved calling out the squaredancing at the seniors center. :Emily: you did what? when? :Kevin: Was joke. ;Terrain is fun! :Connell: Fly out of the wind gust and back in through the other window. I actually have enough move to end up on top of him again... do I get another slam? >.> :GM: Yes. :Ayake: You could just end in his hex. He takes aura damage unless he retreats, and I think his back is to a wall. I'm not sure. :GM: No, his back is to his living room. It's his front that's to a long drop off a short porch. ;Teamwork :Mrugnak: Status update on the gorilla? :Ayake: Mordreona hit it in the neck for a major wound. :GM: Bleeding heavily but still standing. About to turn Mordy into a thief-smear on the nearest tree then maybe hit you with her remains. :Mrugnak: Not if I don't smash it first! ;Please do not break the GM's brain :Ayake: You're going to say no to this, but I have to ask. :Ayake: Can I use Shattershot on a Judo Throw? :Mrugnak: Ow. :GM: No, you can't Project the blow. I think. :Ayake: I could project the blow. :Mrugnak: It's not really a blow. :GM: My brain will hurt less if you can't, anyway... ;Do not wrestle with bears while standing next to a cliff :Narrator: Connell braces his forelegs against the druid and tugs on the torc around his neck. With a mighty wrench of his stone jaw, he pulls the torc away. The druid stumbles back, catches the wind stream, and goes flying. Gravity takes hold, and he quickly arcs down into the ground. :Connell: manages a muffled "woops" around the mouthful of gold. Session 23 ;Is it wise to scare the berserker? :Berkun: "I hope we'll get rewarded, though. We're doing druids bussines, not ours" :Connell: "Not having a swamp full of unseelie creatures at our doorstep will be a pretty good reward." :Berkun: "Of what? :Mrugnak: "Thingies... dat don' see?" :Connell: "Unseelie. Means 'bad fairies', cousin." :Ayake: looks from Connell to Mrugnak. His expression says, "...cousin?" :Mrugnak: scratches his head. "An dey don' see gud?" :Connell: "No, they see very well. Some of them can see right through your head and read what you're thinking." He waggles spooky fingers at Mrugnak, "And then they eat your thoughts." :Mrugnak: "GAH!" Mrugnak clutches his head. Category:Saga of Westmarch